SUNDAY, January 31, 2010 — Merl Reagle (calendar)

We have a lot to talk about with this puzzle, so let's get to it. You may recall that last week I promised to come back and blog Merl's Sunday puzzle and then I never did it. So sorry about that. My bad! That one's on me! Then when I went to look for Sylvia's puzzle today, I found another Merl puzzle. Turns out he constructed a two-part puzzle for us and the LA Times agreed to run his puzzles two weeks in a row so we could get the full effect.

So what I'm going to do today is post the grids and theme answers to both puzzles here. Then I'm going to encourage you to hop over to Merl's own blog where he both explains the genesis of this awesome puzzle idea and shares some details of the ordeal he went through to get it in publishable shape. It's a pretty interesting read. I hope you'll check it out.

If you haven't solved the puzzles yet, you should do that first. This week's puzzle can be found here. Last week's is here. I don't think these are permanent links though. If you're coming to this blog late, I think you'll be able to find PDF versions of the puzzles here and here.

Just in case I haven't rambled on long enough yet, I'm going to add a little spoiler space before I post the grids and theme answers. If you haven't solved the puzzles, go do it now!

Kindergarten Crime Spree Part 1 (January 24, 2010)

Theme answers:

• 22A: I arrived at the crime scene at 9 a.m. The kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Ladey, SPELLED IT OUT FOR ME.
• 35A: "First," she said, "someone STOLE A KISS."
• 39A: "Wait," I said, "I thought there was a KIDNAPPING."
• 46A: "Yes, but we woke him up. Then a pinky ring went missing." "Real jewels?" I asked. "No," she said, "JUST PASTE."
• 52A/69A: She said, "Then I saw the HANDWRITING ON THE WALL."
• 78A: "Graffiti?" I asked. "No, just letters." "Ah," I said, "a CAPITAL CASE."
• 85A/97A: I thought, All right, fine, I can PLAY THEIR LITTLE GAME.
• 99A: "Then I found these," she said, and even I was shocked. There were CHALK MARKS on the floor.
• 114A: Someone had WHACKED THE ERASERS! (CONTINUED NEXT WEEK)

Kindergarten Crime Spree Part 2 (January 31, 2010)

Theme answers:

• 21A: I narrowed it down to two suspects. Naturally, they both LOOKED INNOCENT.
• 26A: Let's call them DICK AND JANE.
• 35A: I could tell right away that she was HOOKED ON PHONICS.
• 49A:And he—well, let's just say that he was IN A CLASS BY HIMSELF.
• 64A: I laid out the evidence; they could see that I'd done MY HOMEWORK.
• 66A: But neither would talk. So I said, "I'm going to COUNT TO TEN."
• 82A: And that did it—they immediately started crying. I said, "Well, I hope you've LEARNED YOUR LESSON."
• 93A: "Maybe you'll both be let out early FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR."
• 106A: "But only if you SHOW AND TELL me exactly what happened."
• 113A: They agreed. And that's when the FINGERPOINTING / FINGERPRINTING / FINGERPAINTING began. THE END (Hint: Because of a single variable letter, this clue has three different appropriate answers. Write in whichever one(s) you like. See 116 Down.)
• 116D: Start of a crime novel by Sue Grafton, whose titles are particularly apt for this puzzle. (This clue has three possible answers. See 113 Across.) (O / R / A IS).

January 24 Puzzle / Everything Else — 1A: Dumas dueler (ATHOS); 6A: Pioneer heading (WEST); 10A: Pre-Edison term? (ALVA); 14A: Sailor's sure thing? (AYE); 17A: Feud-ending word (SHAKE); 18A: Part of a foot (INCH); 19A: Malicious looks (LEERS); 21A: DFW's state (TEX.); 25A: PC bailout key (ESC); 26A: Strike (HIT); 27A: Start of the second qtr. (APR.); 28A: NYC mayor after David (RUDY); 29A: Despite all that (YET); 30A: Conk out (DIE); 31A: Opera CD track (ARIA); 33A: Bridge whiz Sharif (OMAR); 42A: Club with maps (AAA); 43A: Bonanza finds (ORES); 44A: Playwright Eugene (O'NEILL); 45A: Canonized Mlle. (STE.); 49A: Lorelei Lee's creator (LOOS); 51A: Couch potatoes (SITTERS); 57A: Given the nod (OKAYED); 62A: With Andrea, an ill-fated ship (DORIA); 63A: Like some translations (LOOSE); 64A: Persian protest, perhaps (MEOW); 67A: Niger neighbor (MALI); 68A: Strong adhesive (EPOXY); 71A: Succinct saying (MAXIM); 72A: Cocktail fruit (LIME); 73A: Intro to many words? (INSO); 74A: Inflexible (RIGID); 75A: Biscotti flavoring (ANISE); 76A: A.s.a.p. (IN A SEC); 80A: Opens the door for (LETS OUT); 84A: Currently has the stage (IS ON); 88A: Neon's state (GAS); 90A: Car options (LEASES); 95A: Starting (AS OF); 96A: Moreover, to poets (E'EN); 103A: Approximately (OR SO); 104A: Isle off Tuscany (ELBA); 105A: Soup container (CAN); 106A: Adjective ending (-IAL); 107A: Moistens (WETS); 109A: Cosmo, for one (MAG); 112A: Descartes' deduction (I AM); 113A: She who gets sheared (EWE); 119A: Austrian article (DER); 120A: Metrical feet (IAMBI); 121A: It gets hammered (NAIL); 122A: Hang on (to) (CLING); 123A: Football's "Too Tall" Jones and others (EDS); 124A: ABC series about crash survivors (LOST); 125A: Hannibal's obstacles (ALPS); 126A: Must (HAS TO); 1D: It's a relief (ASPIRIN); 2D: Words after stem or turn (THE TIDE); 3D: Henry V, as a prince (HAL); 4D: State the Joads left: abbr. (OKLA.); 5D: Ooze (SEEP); 6D: Nintendo's ___ Remote (WII); 7D: Registered player (ENTRANT); 8D: Attila, to his enemies (SCOURGE); 9D: Sound of a flop (THUD); 10D: Franklin's 1936 foe (ALF); 11D: "Dr. Hug" Buscaglia (LEO); 12D: After 2 a.m., say (VERY LATE); 13D: Fighting force, to Fifi (ARMÉE); 14D: Groveled (ATE DIRT); 15D: Answer to "Get the picture?" (YES I SEE); 16D: What sots drink to (EXCESS); 20D: ___ good example (SET A); 22D: Plumed military cap (SHAKO); 23D: Bit in a bucket (DROP); 24D: Cobb, Detmer, and Law (TYS); 32D: "Wheel of Fortune" buy, maybe (AN I); 34D: Military assignments (MISSIONS); 36D: Lacking slack (TAUT); 37D: Tobacco-drying oven (OAST); 38D: Punches senseless (KOS); 40D: Like some suckers (ALL-DAY); 41D: Tractor trailer? (PLOW); 46D: Irish dance (JIG); 47D: Frigate's front (PROW); 48D: Start of a JFK quote (ASK); 50D: DuPont fiber (ORLON); 51D: Treat disdainfully (SNEER AT); 52D: Pickup line? (HOP IN); 53D: You can smell it (AROMA); 54D: Vetoes (NIXES); 55D: Wizard's unveiler (TOTO); 56D: Cartoon ending? (-ISH); 58D: Appliance brand (AMANA); 59D: Vertical line on a graph (Y AXIS); 60D: Beethoven's "Für ___" (ELISE); 61D: "... spare a ___?" (DIME); 62D: Site with a slicer (DELI); 64D: O. Henry title trio (MAGI); 65D: Snobs (ELITISTS); 66D: ___ the hills (OLD AS); 70D: Reddi-___ (WIP); 71D: Patrick who played Steed on TV's "The Avengers" (MACNEE); 73D: Rapper-actor (ICE-T); 77D: Ex-actor Ron (ELY); 78D: Dog show reject (CUR); 79D: Laze (about) (LOLL); 81D: Bowie's last stand (THE ALAMO); 82D: With sight, a tourist (SEER); 83D: Porcine plaint (OINK); 85D: Interjected disapprovingly (PSHAWED); 86D: Temporary cars for repair patrons (LOANERS); 87D: CIO's companion (AFL); 88D: Like some stops, in speaking (GLOTTAL); 89D: Dirigible (AIRSHIP); 91D: Voting issue (AGE); 92D: Hard-to-miss (SALIENT); 93D: Trade restriction (EMBARGO); 94D: Clothes lines? (SEAMS); 95D: Give in (to) (ACCEDE); 98D: Bulky book (TOME); 100D: New Zealand bird or fuzzy fruit (KIWI); 101D: The Taj ___ (MAHAL); 102D: Neighbor of Nor. (SWE.); 108D: Author Ferber (EDNA); 110D: Foot feature (ARCH); 111D: Dressy event (GALA); 115D: "Survivor" airer (CBS); 116D: Young fox (KIT); 117D: Raised RRs (ELS); 118D: Boom-bah opener (SIS).

January 31 Puzzle / Everything Else — 1A: Pioneering cartoonist (NAST); 5A: Prep for a trip (PACK); 9A: Cry of recognition (AHA); 12A: Stumblebums (CLODS); 17A: Job safety org. (OSHA); 18A: Present opening? (OMNI-); 19A: Job opening (SLOT); 20A: Jewelers' lenses (LOUPES); 24A: Manifesto co-author (ENGELS); 25A: Takes in or lets out (ALTERS); 28A: Untrue (NOT SO); 29A: Earthquake origins (FOCI); 32A: Promising letters (IOU); 33A: Org. of cadets (ROTC); 41A: Old college cry (RAH); 42A: Capital on the Aare (BERN); 44A: Pianist Gilels (EMIL); 45A: Sculler's prop (OAR); 46A: Words before "merry" (AND BE); 48A: Chinese principle (TAO); 54A: Goes ballistic (ERUPTS); 56A: Hydrox finish (-IDE); 57A: Before you know it (SOON); 58A: Be in a different form? (ARE); 59A: Pool problem (ALGAE); 60A: Golf great (SNEAD); 62A: "Convoy" star's first name (KRIS); 72A: At a snail's pace (SLOW); 73A: Takes shape (FORMS); 74A: Chocolate shop lure (AROMA); 75A: Reagan's "Star Wars" prog. (SDI); 78A: Lingerie items (BRAS); 80A: Cloud chamber bit (ION); 81A: Toyota rival (NISSAN); 87A: "Twitch," minus every other letter (TIC); 88A: Arm bones (ULNAS); 89A: Seattle-to-Vegas dir. (SSE); 90A: GM's electric car (VOLT); 91A: Island near Java (BALI); 92A: Saints' org. (NFC); 99A: Sugar-free, perhaps (DIET); 101A: Extinct 12-footer (MOA); 102A: In ___ (lined up) (A ROW); 103A: Terra follower (COTTA); 111A: Last two words in the title of an epic 1962 western (WAS WON); 112A: Actress Stone (SHARON); 117A: "Fighting" NCAA team Colorful eye part (ILLINI); 118A: Swan lover of myth (LEDA); 119A: Colorful eye part (IRIS); 120A: Words to a traitor (ET TU); 121A: One way to choose (BY LOT); 122A: 2001 and 2010, for ex. (YRS.); 123A: "Darn it" preceder (GOSH); 124A: Greek letters (RHOS); 1D: Ace of diamonds Ryan (NOLAN); 2D: Embark on ___ career (A SOLO); 3D: Noticeably filled (with) (SHOT THROUGH); 4D: Goes up against (TAKES ON); 5D: Okra features (PODS); 6D: Pal, to Pascal (AMI); 7D: Wolf's home? (CNN); 8D: Relations (KIN); 9D: Actor with actor brothers (ALEC); 10D: Flying wedge sound (HONK); 11D: Reach (ATTAIN); 12D: Nor, for one: abbr. (CONJ.); 13D: Long-time Indiana senator (LUGAR); 14D: Market action that remains in effect until filled or canceled (OPEN ORDER); 15D: Easily trashed, e.g. (DELETABLE); 16D: Air-leak sound (SSS); 19D: "Nova" subj. (SCI.); 20D: Nobel decliner ___ Tho (LE DUC); 22D: Switch ending (-EROO); 23D: Frigg's husband (ODIN); 27D: "___ insist!" (NO I); 29D: Katrina aftermath org. (FEMA); 30D: Like poems of praise (ODIC); 31D: Coal miner (COLLIER); 34D: Food Network figure (CHEF); 36D: Berry and Burns (KENS); 37D: Struck a stance (POSED); 38D: Partakes of (HAS); 39D: Space balls (ORBS); 40D: See 60 Across (SAM); 42D: Second-string squad (B TEAM); 43D: Premature (EARLY); 47D: Ultrasecret org. (NSA); 49D: List details (ITEMS); 50D: It's an Aleutian (ADAK); 51D: Dogpatch name (YOKUM); 52D: Brassy group (HORNS); 53D: ___ to win it (IN IT); 55D: Kung ___ chicken (PAO); 60D: "Kill Bill" weapon (SWORD); 61D: "Dream on!" ("NO WAY!"); 63D: Coffee-spill result (STAIN); 65D: Hamburg's river (ELBE); 66D: "Sounds great" ("COOL"); 67D: "It's Now ___" (OR NEVER); 68D: Surgery sites, briefly (ORS); 69D: "For openers ..." (TO START WITH); 70D: BlackBerry delivery (EMAIL); 71D: Folk singer Griffith (NANCI); 73D: Pulled the trigger (FIRED); 75D: How misers act (SELFISHLY); 76D: Glenn Miller milieu (DANCE HALL); 77D: Roth follower (IRA); 79D: Lackluster (SO-SO); 81D: Punishment for some kids (NO TV); 82D: "Casablanca" role, Ilsa ___ (LUND); 83D: Research-funding org. (NSF); 84D: "Camp show" org. (USO); 85D: London district (SOHO); 86D: KFC side dish (SLAW); 91D: Rocket stage (BOOSTER); 94D: Saudi neighbor (OMANI); 95D: Democrat Dellums (RON); 96D: One who may bug you (GADFLY); 97D: Barn bundle (BALE); 98D: Able one's assertion (I CAN); 100D: Hope-Crosby flick, "Road ___" (TO RIO); 104D: Famed sidekick (TONTO); 105D: Burger beef (ANGUS); 107D: "I ___ tell" (WON'T); 108D: Arena level (TIER); 109D: Some linemen (ENDS); 110D: NYC airport, on tickets (LGA); 111D: Genie's gift (WISH); 112D: Sis or bro (SIB); 114D: Fix dishonestly (RIG); 115D: Con's opposite (PRO).

SUNDAY, January 31, 2010 — Matt Skoczen (syndicated)

Theme: "Running on Empty" — Theme answers are familiar two-word phrases with the first letters M.T.

[Note: This is the syndicated L.A. Times puzzle. It does not appear in the actual newspaper, but is available for free at cruciverb.com.]

Theme answers:

• 23A: Crisp named for an opera singer (MELBA TOAST).
• 25A: Illusion (MAGIC TRICK).
• 36A: Popular date destination (MOVIE THEATER).
• 51A: 1936 Chaplin classic (MODERN TIMES).
• 72A: Frankie Laine chart-topper (MULE TRAIN).
• 89A: Painter's aid (MASKING TAPE).
• 105A: 1979 Nobel Peace Prize recipient (MOTHER TERESA).
• 120A: Singer's voice, e.g. (MEAL TICKET).
• 123A: Money-making knack (MIDAS TOUCH).

This was a very strange solve for me. Nothing super tricky in the puzzle, but the theme had me confused for way longer than it should have. Why? Because I read that first theme clue as "Crisp name" instead of "Crisp named" and thought MELBA TOAST was supposed to be funny but I couldn't figure out the joke. Then the rest of the theme entries had straight clues and I just really didn't figure it out for a long time. On top of that, I guess I just want to say that it's hard to get excited about a puzzle that has MASKING TAPE as a theme answer. MOVIE THEATER isn't much better. Well sure there's MAGIC TRICK, but zzzzzzzzzz .... Sorry. Must have dozed off there for a minute. I think you get my point.

More:

• 6A: Annapolis inst. (USNA). United States Naval Academy.
• 16A: Apr. advisor (CPA). This really adds to the puzzle's excitement factor, doesn't it? (No offense, Crosscan.)
• 22A: Leia's love (HAN). Not Hans. HAN.

• 61A: State that's home to Nike H.Q. (ORE.). This was a gimme for me because I was following the demise of the University of Oregon's wrestling team a couple years ago after a questionable hiring decision brought Phil Knight's close friend, Pat Kilkenny, on board as the school's Athletic Director. Watch him answer questions in this video and I'm pretty sure you'll come away with the distinct feeling that he is a slimy you-know-what.
• 70A: New Orleans player (SAINT). I'm a Vikings fan as a result of geography, but I was nonetheless happy to see the Saints win. I heard the Saints are "America's team." So there ya go.
• 100A: Hiring term initiated under LBJ (EEO). I spent way too much time trying to find the "Seinfeld" clip where Kramer tells a couple of new parents that their baby looks like Lyndon Johnson. Couldn't find it.

• 6D: Area 51 sighting, briefly (UFO). Have you been to Roswell? The museum there is pretty cool.
• 10D: Strategic math game (NIM). Know this one only from crosswords.
• 53D: Ringo and George each wore one (MOUSTACHE). I thought for a minute this was supposed to be a theme answer.
• 63D: Teeny bit (SMIDGEN). Best word in the whole grid.

• 99D: Armchair partner (OTTOMAN). The first time I ever used the word ottoman when talking to my kids, they looked at me like I was crazy. I guess they think it sounds a little, I don't know ... high-falutin'. So now whenever we use the word, we put air quotes around it.
• 119D: __-Pei: strong dog (SHAR).

Crosswordese 101: I was going to skip CW101 today and just give you a round-up of the puzzle's crosswordese that we've already covered, but I couldn't pass up the chance to add NENE to our list (131A: Endangered island flier). The NENE, Hawaii's state bird, is the world's rarest goose. If the clue indicates that the answer is a bird and has something to do with Hawaii, chances are you're looking for the NENE.

Here are some other CW101 words from today's puzzle. If you had trouble with any of these, you might want to go back and take a look at our previous write-ups.

• 129A: Notre Dame's Parseghian (ARA).
• 13D: Hibernia (ERIN).
• 15D: Its last flight was Nov. 26, 2003 (SST).
• 46D: Drink stand buy (ADE).
• 54D: Lake-effect snow city (ERIE).
• 74D: Mars counterpart (ARES).
• 92D: Pear or apple (POME).
• 93D: Broad collars (ETONS).

Everything Else — 1A: Amy Winehouse Grammy-winning song (REHAB); 10A: At least as (NO LESS); 19A: Charlie Chaplin, from 1952 to 1972 (EXILE); 20A: Trepidation (FEAR); 21A: Hardens (INURES); 27A: Pump measure (OCTANE); 28A: The one in my hand (THIS); 30A: H+ and Cl- (IONS); 31A: Ex-Dodger Hershiser (OREL); 32A: Squelch (NIX); 33A: Narcs, e.g. (BUSTERS); 35A: Disconcerting look (STARE); 40A: They're slanted (ITALICS); 43A: Starting point, perhaps (IDEA); 45A: It can span centuries (SAGA); 47A: Infamous Idi (AMIN); 48A: Harry Palmer creator Deighton (LEN); 49A: Union (NORTH); 56A: Bankrupt Korean automaker (DAEWOO); 58A: Make out (SEE); 60A: International show (EXPO); 62A: Powwows (TALKS); 64A: Brink (EDGE); 67A: Completely fall apart (GO TO RUIN); 75A: Under siege (BESET); 76A: Uses as partial payment (TRADES IN); 78A: Dark genre (NOIR); 79A: Revlon offering (SCENT); 81A: Dark time for poets (E'EN); 82A: Cut out, e.g. (EDIT); 84A: French pronoun (CES); 86A: Regular crowd (USUALS); 94A: Fashion (STYLE); 96A: Woo with words (COO); 97A: Choice word (ELSE); 98A: Con __: briskly, in music (MOTO); 101A: Chips follower? (AHOY); 102A: Sways while moving (CAREENS); 108A: Blake's daybreaks (MORNS); 109A: Source of flowing water (OPEN TAP); 111A: Teeny bit (TAD); 112A: Words of woe (AH ME); 113A: Cyan relative (TEAL); 115A: Win __, lose ... (SOME); 116A: Flares up (ERUPTS); 125A: E-bay action (BID); 126A: Place for a drip, briefly (IV TUBE); 127A: Attacking the job (AT IT); 128A: __ Bubba: gum brand (HUBBA); 130A: Blotto (LOOPED); 132A: Nineveh's land: Abbr. (ASSYR.); 1D: Riviera resort San __ (REMO); 2D: Business VIP (EXEC.); 3D: Weapon handle (HILT); 4D: NATO member since 4/1/2009 (ALBANIA); 5D: Retro headgear (BEANIE); 7D: "Click it or ticket" subject (SEATBELTS); 8D: New Hampshire city (NASHUA); 9D: Experts (ARTISTS); 11D: Broadcasting (ON AIR); 12D: Count player (LUGOSI); 14D: Brief moments (SECS); 16D: Former French president (CHIRAC); 17D: Harness horses (PACERS); 18D: It's commonly turned (ANKLE); 24D: Typical, as a case (TEXTBOOK); 26D: Corkscrew pasta (ROTINI); 29D: Calliope power (STEAM); 34D: Therefore (ERGO); 35D: Thin cut (SLIT); 36D: Even-tempered (MILD); 37D: Greek music halls (ODEA); 38D: Shakespearean merchant Antonio et al. (VENETIANS); 39D: "__ Alibi": Selleck film (HER); 41D: Silvery game fish (TARPONS); 42D: "Are too!" response (AM NOT); 50D: Loaf's end (HEEL); 52D: Vet (EX-GI); 54D: Lake-effect snow city (ERIE); 55D: In the mail (SENT); 57D: Fairy godmother's prop (WAND); 59D: Garden locale (EDEN); 65D: Pontiac muscle car (GTO); 66D: __ the Red (ERIC); 68D: Quite heavy (OBESE); 69D: Bausch & Lomb brand (RENU); 70D: Musical note feature (STEM); 71D: High pressure __ (AREA); 73D: Curriculum part (UNIT); 77D: Suspect (SENSE); 80D: Skirtlike trousers (CULOTTES); 83D: Inverness topper (TAM); 85D: Saturated with (STEEPED IN); 87D: "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" author (LOOS); 88D: Tofu source (SOYA); 90D: Wheat seed (KERNEL); 91D: The Philippines, to Philippe (ILES); 95D: "__ durn tootin'!" (YER); 101D: Herculean (ARDUOUS); 102D: One sharing the wealth? (CO-HEIR); 103D: Noted 1588 loser (ARMADA); 104D: Absorb (SOAK UP); 106D: Descendant of Noah's second son (HAMITE); 107D: Singer Kitt (EARTHA); 108D: Deadly African snake (MAMBA); 110D: Annapolis newbie (PLEBE); 113D: Show saver (TIVO); 114D: Prefix with plasm (ECTO-); 117D: Taverns (PUBS); 118D: Frozen dessert franchise (TCBY); 121D: Up to, casually (TIL); 122D: "Dilbert" Generic Guy (TED); 124D: Wolfed down (ATE).

Layout Change

New background and changed all fonts to black, just for easier reading. Yes, I know it looks like an old ladies website now but unless YOU help me make a better blog, you can take your opinions and shove it. Ta-ta.

A day in the past.

If anyone reads my blog, sorry for not having it even be an actual blog, I've just kinda got sick of writing about my own life because it is so boring. Does anyone care that I had a HORRIBLE, awful and god-disgusting day at work yesterday? No, you do not, because with all the empathy in the world you're extremely unlikely to do a single thing about it, and I don't blame you. All I'm saying is that there's no point talking if nobody is going to do anything about it, and without even knowing anyone's read this blog (from judging 0 comments on nearly all posts, that is so) it seems a bit of a waste of time to expect any sympathy or kind words around this abandoned blog.

Still, I have a passion (well, that's an overly strong word...) for blogging, and it really is the same as journal writing, except it's intended to be read. I don't really intend for it to be read, but I know it's on the internet and I know it's possible, so with that in mind I'm willing to get over it and accept that it may or may not be read. Just trying to stick up for myself incase anyone accused this blog to be me "attention seeking", because seriously, if I wanted attention seeking I'd just go change my Facebook relationship status so that everyone in my real life would question it. Or maybe I already did that...? ;-)

Anyway, nothing much to report on. (why do I always say that...?) Well, actually there is but it's something I'd keep to myself rather than announcing to the internet. Let's just say... I found a really good way to FUCK things up, that were good, in my life. Well, to be honest, they weren't "good", but they were better then they are now. I just hope I can salvage things, and that it's not impossible, cause there's a good chance it is, and that would NOT be good. To say the least. (ie. most) And yes, it is about a relationship. And no, you do not care if you're an online random. But if you're a real life person, you might, cause in real life, I never talk about my relationships. (the 's' used vaguely, there hasn't been many) I'm sure you can figure out why... and if you can, fuck you for prying into my badly-covered-up life.

With that all said and done, I'm heading off to read my NW Magazine (well, finish it) and... yeah. Have a good one readers! I love each and every one of you. But I don't know who the christ you are, so if you wanted appeciation you'd have to leave me a comment. Also, fellow bloggers, PLEASE leave me a fucking comment and I'll check out your blog cause I love finding other cool blogs! See ya! (and yes, I actually will, I'm not some hungry cunt that wants 'comments' to feel cool, believe me.)

Celebrity of the Week: Crystal Harris

I'm starting a brand new section of my blog called "Celebrity of the Week". Considering I'm SUCH a wannabe-fame-whore (let's face it) and always goss about celebs (as if I actually knew them) I thought it'd be quite fitting if they just got their own division in my blog, and well, here it is. This will replace my long forgotten "Obsession of the Week" which I will tag here for the most likely FINAL time ever, and the only reason I will do that is so if you actually want to see my past (and mostly still present) obsessions, you can.

SO, this week's celebrity is Crystal Harris. She is Hugh Hefner's girlfriend, and the only one right now (I believe!) I used to ramble on about Holly, Bridget and Kendra (his past girlfriends) who became famous through their show 'Girls of the Playboy Mansion' (or as known in America, 'The Girls Next Door'), which was a really awesome show with them and I think everyone who watched that show had preconceived ideas about who the girls were and what they would be like, I'll admit, so did I! Then I gave it a chance, and like the rest of the world, FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM!

So when it was announced Hugh's new girls would star in Season 6 of the show, I was sceptical of what they would be like as I had heard very little of the girls but when the show came... well, although I thought the Shannon Twins were quite fun, I definitely WAY preferred Crystal! She's so sweet, bubble, funny and unbelievably down to earth! Holly, who I guess she "replaced" (which sounds awful, but is the easiest way to say it), I also thought was down to earth, but compared to Crystal, she could be deemed almost snobby! I was really glad Hugh had found and chosen Crystal to be a girlfriend, he really does know how to pick them! There must be soooo many girls vying for a spot on the show, and he really does seem to miraculously choose girls who have honestly good intentions and none of those gold-digging rumours are true, according to me anyway.

I think Hugh is such an icon and all of his recent girlfriends and become celebrities in their own right after the success of their show, which Holly, Bridget and Kendra began but was kept going well and excitingly along with the Shannon Twins and, especially, Crystal!

(Follow Crystal on Twitter.)

Heidi Montag: 'Before and after photo'

(Follow Heidi on Twitter.)

SATURDAY, January 30, 2010—Brad Wilber

Looking for the puzzle in Across Lite? Here's a backdoor link to the Cruciverb LAT archive.



THEME: No theme today—It's a themeless/freestyle puzzle

This week's Saturdaypalooza was a bit harder than usual, no? Brad Wilber also makes much harder puzzles for the New York Times, and there are those who call him their nemesis. So it's not supposed to be easy—you're supposed to have a little gnashing of teeth before everything comes together.

Brad WilbEr's puzzle reminds me of Friday's NYT crossword by Doug Peterson—roughly the same number (14 here, 16 there) of long entries (8+ letters), tons of sparkle in the featured phrases and words, and some Scrabbliness. The clues were easier overall, this being an L.A. Times puzzle.

By the way, that's Brad WilbEr, with an E, not a U. Lotta people spell it as Wilbur. Anyone have a good mnemonic for remembering that this guy's name has an E? "WE like his puzzles." Or "WE call him our nemesis." These could work for NYT constructor Byron WaldEn (not Waldon), too.

Highlights:

• 17A: ["Fully loaded" purchase] is a DELUXE MODEL from the car dealer's showroom. I've got my eye on the new four-door Porsche sedan, the Panamera. The turbo model will run you $132K, about 40 or 50 grand more than the base model. Oh, wait. It gets 15 mpg city. Better look into the Ford Fusion Hybrid instead.
• 25A: [Like "Marley & Me"] clues RATED PG. Neither SCHMALTZY nor SACCHARINE would fit.
  
  
  
  
• 27A: ["Heartland" autobiographer] is MORT SAHL. This political humorist's last name shows up far, far more in crossword grids, so it's nice to see the full name. The clue...the clue was no aid to solving. I ventured over to YouTube to find a good Sahl clip to embed here but...I watched two videos and was not remotely entertained. So instead, here's Patton Oswalt. Do not play the video if swear words trouble you because he does cuss a bit. Also? My friend's four-year-old boy is a dead ringer for Patton Oswalt. It's uncanny.
  
  
  
  
• 37A: [Footwear ill-suited for stealth] includes clunky, cloppy wooden CLOGS. Now, the rubber-soled Merrell clogs, those are great for sneaking around.
• 55A: [Castaway's dream come true] is a RESCUE PLANE. Rescue planes have been in the news of late.
• 2D: ONE B.C. (aka 1 BCE) is the [Last year of its kind]. Calendars are weird, aren't they? They look like neutral dating systems but they carry more weight than that.
• 6D: Mnemonics! One [Geography-class mnemonic] is HOMES, for the Great Lakes: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, and Superior. Chicago's Michigan Avenue crosses the other four Great Lakes street names, running SHEO from north to south. I need a mnemonic to help me remember that it goes Chicago, SHEO, Ohio, Grand, Illinois.
• 8D: [Drunk's chaser?] is not the beer chaser after a shot, it's the suffix -ARD in drunkard. This is not the suffix in 9D: DIEHARDS, clued as [Hardly fair-weather friends]. Clueing them as [Hardly fair-weather fans] would have suggested the answer more strongly...but would've been easier. And we don't want that, do we?
• Bing, bang, boom, three in a row. Isn't this a great corner stack? 10D: [Some limo sharers] are PROM DATES. 11D: [Anti-diversity type] is a XENOPHOBE. (My son is a homophonophile.) And who doesn't love a 12D: SNOWGLOBE, that [Popular paperweight]?
• 28D: [Consequences of one's convictions] are JAIL TERMS. I like the mislead. These are not your philosophical convictions but the ones wherein you get convicted of a crime. (Not you personally, I hope.)
• 30D: [Upscale Roman shopping street] is VIA VENETO. I don't know a thing about it, but V-V phrases are nice, aren't they? Dang, all I can think of is "va-va-voom" and a gynecological disturbance.
• And this is one of the zippiest answers. It's not brand-new, no—other constructors have used it. But I still like it. 38D: [Homemade cassette with assorted songs] is a MIX TAPE. I haven't had one since senior year of college. I think people still call 'em mix tapes even though technology has moved past cassettes. No, wait. Do they just call 'em "mixes"? Help me out here.

Crosswordese 101: There's an 31A: Aptly named novelist Charles whose last name is READE. Get it? Read? READE? Har har! I bet no more than 1% of our readers have actually read a READE book. Novel titles you may see in READE clues include The Cloister and the Hearth, Peg Woffington, and Hard Cash. The key is remembering that there is an author with the name READE and that he shows up in crosswords from time to time. You will not be quizzed on his works.

See you folks again on Wednesday.

Everything Else — 1A: Winner of five of six A.L. batting titles from 1983 to 1988 (BOGGS); 6A: Produce unit (HEAD); 10A: Mil. stores (PXS); 13A: Taking undeserved credit, perhaps (ON AN EGO TRIP); 16A: Psychotic TV pooch (REN); 17A: "Fully loaded" purchase (DELUXE MODEL); 18A: "Bed-in for Peace" figure (ONO); 19A: Regress (EBB); 20A: Next (THEN); 21A: Barn loft (HAYMOW); 23A: Fish preparation gadgets (SCALERS); 25A: Like "Marley & Me" (RATED PG); 26A: Place for wallowers (STY); 27A: "Heartland" autobiographer (MORT SAHL); 28A: Joes at a diner (JAVAS); 31A: Aptly named novelist Charles (READE); 32A: As well (TOO); 33A: Perched (ALIT); 34A: Casual pants, briefly (CORDS); 35A: Friday player (WEBB); 36A: "Give __ rest!" (IT A); 37A: Footwear ill-suited for stealth (CLOGS); 38A: Paris's __ d'Orsay (MUS*Eacute;E); 39A: Volcanic crater feature (LAVA LAKE); 41A: Grafton's "__ for Noose" (N IS); 42A: Seismograph stimuli (TREMORS); 43A: Waltz segment (BOXSTEP); 47A: 1844 Verdi premiere (ERNANI); 48A: Act as lookout for, e.g. (ABET); 49A: Serial ending? (-IZE); 50A: Emmy-nominated Charlotte (RAE); 51A: Utility offering (ENERGY AUDIT); 54A: Sch. where Buzz Aldrin got a doctorate (MIT); 55A: Castaway's dream come true (RESCUE PLANE); 56A: __-pitch (SLO); 57A: 16-Across, e.g. (TOON); 58A: Hand net user, perhaps (EELER); 1D: Augurs (BODES); 2D: Last year of its kind (ONE BC); 3D: Nero's successor (GALBA); 4D: Serengeti antelope (GNU); 5D: Some chamber works (SEXTETS); 6D: Geography-class mnemonic (HOMES); 7D: 007's alma mater (ETON); 8D: Drunk's chaser? (-ARD); 9D: Hardly fair-weather friends (DIEHARDS); 10D: Some limo sharers (PROM DATES); 11D: Anti-diversity type (XENOPHOBE); 12D: Popular paperweight (SNOWGLOBE); 14D: Frank __, architect of L.A.'s Walt Disney Concert Hall (GEHRY); 15D: Missouri tributary (PLATTE); 22D: Thumbs-up (YES); 24D: Aspiring atty.'s hurdle (LSAT); 25D: Courses (ROADS); 27D: Amalgamate (MERGE); 28D: Consequences of one's convictions (JAIL TERMS); 29D: Communion line setting (ALTAR RAIL); 30D: Upscale Roman shopping street (VIA VENETO); 31D: Corner pieces (ROOKS); 34D: Its trill opens "Rhapsody in Blue" (CLARINET); 35D: Doormat (WUSS); 37D: Plant geneticist, at times (CLONER); 38D: Homemade cassette with assorted songs (MIX TAPE); 40D: Docs' lobby: Abbr. (AMA); 41D: "__ hath seen such scarecrows": "Henry IV, Part I" (NO EYE); 43D: Red Ryder, for one (BB GUN); 44D: Word with bore or basin (TIDAL); 45D: Paperless read (E-ZINE); 46D: Fizzle (out) (PETER); 48D: Not pizzicato (ARCO); 52D: That, to Teresa (ESO); 53D: Diminutive suffix (-ULE).

ACDC 2010 Call for Papers

Fourth Annual Conference on Development and Change
Johannesburg, South Africa, April 9–11, 2010

Conference Theme
The world economy is currently in the throes of a global economic crisis reminiscent of the great depressions of the 1930s and possibly that of the 1870s. As back then, the crisis resulted from major structural imbalances in financial and credit markets ultimately resulting in a retreat from free trade. Emergent debates about resurgent protectionism, alternative reserve currencies, stimulus packages and climate change policies suggests that the world economy has entered a phase of heightened change which will transform the development "equation" in varied and diverse ways. It is imperative at this time that development economists should engage with two crucial questions: the implications of these changes for the developing world and the prospects for "development" for the majority of people in the developing world.

The forthcoming conference invites submission of academic papers representing original and critical research focusing on the various aspects of the current global economic crisis. Papers are encouraged to employ historical and comparative perspectives where possible, on the impact of the current global financial and trade crises and its impact on the economic performance of developing countries. A focus on policy relevance and prescriptions for developing countries is highly recommended.

Contact conference director Ashwini Deshpande or visit Policy Innovations to download the full details. The deadline has been extended to February 10, 2010.

FRIDAY, Jan. 29, 2010 — Dan Gagliardo

Note: cruciverb.com (where many people get their LAT puzzle online) is down for reasons I don't fully understand. No word on when it will be back up. We haven't received permission to post the .puz ourselves, so those who get the puzzle online will just have to wait. [UPDATE: Permission granted — go here for your .puz]

Puzzle write-up below ... after the Spoiler Whales (stolen from the amazing Matt Kish).



THEME: THE WALLS HAVE EARS (38A: "Be careful what you say," and a hint to a feature shared by this puzzle's perimeter answers) — every word on the perimeter of the gird contains the letter string "EAR"


This is a clever idea, one that required an extra-wide grid to accommodate its theme-revealing answer (16x15 instead of normal 15x15). This was my fastest LAT Friday of the year by a full minute and a half, but that doesn't mean there weren't significant thorny patches. I was particularly vexed by the NE, where neither the clue at 13D: Mahdi, in Islam (REDEEMER) nor the cross at 20A: Thompson in the Theater Hall of Fame (SADA) meant anything to me. I had EMMA for the Theater clue, and that was enough to slow me down but good. Further, went with NAP instead of LAP at 24D: Sitter's offer to a tot. Cheap trick, but it worked. Also got slowed down at the (aargh) tilde-free LA NINA (49A: Oceanic phenomenon that affects weather) — needed every cross before I got it and saw that it was a. two words and b. a phrase I definitely know. Not much more luck on the western seaboard, where TEAR-AWAY meets RAMEAU (53A: Baroque composer Jean-Philippe). I figured the jerseys were TEAM-something, and I just don't know the composer in question. I know that his name means "branch."

Theme answers:

• 1A: Poet Edward and a king (L EAR s)
• 6A: "Like Mike" actress (M EAR a) — wtf is this!?!?! I've seen MEARA clued a million ways, but have never heard of "Like Mike." I hope it's a Michael Jordan biopic ... um, well, close:

• 11A: Make on the job (EAR n)
• 14D: Close one (n EAR miss)
• 52D: Show up (app EAR)
• 71A: Promise (sw EAR)
• 70A: Tough test metaphor (a b EAR) — :(
• 69A: Wine industry reference point (y EAR)
• 38D: Like some football jerseys (t EAR -away)
• 1D: Shoe co. founded in Venice Beach (L.A. G EAR)

Crosswordese 101: ALOP (57A: Unbalanced) — one of those words that no one ever uses but that appears in crosswords with pretty good frequency. Functionally equivalent to "lop-sided." Many dictionaries don't feature this word, and if you enter [define alop] into Google, you get no dictionary sites, no definitions ... almost unheard of. Can't think of another word where I've seen that happen. Type [define kakistocracy] and you get scads of dictionary sites. [Define alop] = bupkus.

What else?

• 19A: Lindsay's "Bionic Woman" role (Jaime) — why oh why does she spell her name like that of a Spanish man!?

See you Monday.

~RP

Everything Else — 1A: Poet Edward and a king (LEARS); 6A: "Like Mike" actress (MEARA); 11A: Make on the job (EARN); 15A: When Polonius says "brevity is the soul of wit" (ACT II); 16A: Outdoor seating area (ARBOR); 17A: Old knife (SNEE); 18A: Equatorial African country (GABON); 19A: Lindsay's "Bionic Woman" role (JAIME); 20A: Thompson in the Theater Hall of Fame (SADA); 21A: Notable period (ERA); 22A: Scrooge's visitors (GHOSTS); 24A: "Ta-ta!" ("LATER!"); 25A: "L.A. Law" extras (ATTS.); 27A: City near Provo (OREM); 28A: Chaos (MAYHEM); 29A: Swipe again? (RE-SCAN); 31A: Found, as tabloid fodder (DUG UP); 33A: Rec. label across the pond (EMI); 34A: The duck, in "Peter and the Wolf" (OBOE); 36A: Liver oil source (COD); 37A: Home of the Big 12's Cyclones (AMES); 38A: "Be careful what you say," and a hint to a feature shared by this puzzle's perimeter answers (THE WALLS HAVE EARS); 43A: Thought patterns, briefly? (EEGS); 44A: Guitar cousin (UKE); 45A: Shade (TINT); 46A: Latin I word (AMO); 47A: It's not on the level (SLOPE); 49A: Oceanic phenomenon that affects weather (LA NIÑA); 53A: Baroque composer Jean-Philippe (RAMEAU); 55A: Jump in a rink (AXEL); 57A: Unbalanced (ALOP); 58A: Ever (AT ALL); 59A: Lens holders (FRAMES); 61A: Back talk (LIP); 62A: Erosive force (WIND); 63A: Like candied fruits (GLACE); 64A: Revolutionary Chopin piece? (ETUDE); 66A: Play to __ (A TIE); 67A: Dull (MATTE); 68A: Where gobs go (TO SEA); 69A: Wine industry reference point (YEAR); 70A: Tough test metaphor (A BEAR); 71A: Promise (SWEAR); 1D: Shoe co. founded in Venice Beach (L.A. GEAR); 2D: French card game similar to whist (ECARTE); 3D: Casey's turns (AT BATS); 4D: Ipanema's city (RIO); 5D: Do a number (SING); 6D: College choice (MAJOR); 7D: Undid (ERASED); 8D: Adequate, and then some (A BIT MUCH); 9D: CD-__: computer inserts (ROMS); 10D: "You __ what you eat" (ARE); 11D: Blue book entry (ESSAY); 12D: Object of loathing (ANATHEMA); 13D: Mahdi, in Islam (REDEEMER); 14D: Close one (NEAR MISS); 23D: Frequent Pro Bowl site (HONOLULU); 24D: Sitter's offer to a tot (LAP); 26D: Garbage haulers (SCOWS); 28D: Casey's team (MUDVILLE); 30D: Org. for 25-Across (ABA); 32D: Bearded butter (GOAT); 35D: Nevada city on I-80 (ELKO); 37D: Health Net rival (AETNA); 38D: Like some football jerseys (TEAR AWAY); 39D: Iron ore (HEMATITE); 40D: Dorian Gray's flaw (EGOMANIA); 41D: Like exes (SEPARATE); 42D: Bambi relative (ENA); 47D: __ Paradise, "On the Road" narrator (SAL); 48D: Parimutuel bet (EXACTA); 50D: Mishandling (ILL USE); 51D: Shrugger's comment (NO IDEA); 52D: Show up (APPEAR); 54D: Respected one (ELDER); 56D: Arab potentate (EMEER); 59D: Tightening target (FLAB); 60D: Jazz sessions (SETS); 63D: "Today" rival, briefly (GMA); 65D: Haul (TOW).

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Aid and Technology Innovation Intersect for Haiti

I sat in on a conference call today with Forum One and OneWorld U.S. concerning the use of technology to direct earthquake relief and recovery funds to Haiti. There were some innovative orgs on the line, many of which have already been covered extensively in the media, so I'll just summarize some of the main points here.

Michaela Hackner of Forum One emphasized the transformation we're witnessing as charities reach out to people online and through their mobile devices. She said the crux of the new paradigm is money, connections, and awareness. You could also add speed: Michaela cited stats from the Red Cross indicating that they raised $10 million in 48 hours via text-message donations.

There is also software springing up to assist aid workers, such as the Ushahidi Haiti map, and a Creole translation app emerging out of Crisis Camp. Of course with the new frontier that digital technologies make possible there is also room for abuse, such as the false rumor that American Airlines would be donating relief flights.

Michaela's key conclusion was that humanitarian and development aid and technology innovators need to get in the same room to understand challenges and share data. This would not only make the current response more effective, but could also help with longer-term questions of planning, transparency, and sustainability.

Andy Carvin of NPR presented a high-resolution map of Port-au-Prince that volunteers have helped build from satellite imagery, tagging hospital locations and other useful data. He said the map is downloadable to GPS devices for navigating the city. He also mentioned the Google People Finder tool, which the State Department has embedded on their website.

Jacob Colker of The Extraordinaries described a crowd-sourced system whereby global volunteers help process missing persons data from their home computers. Haiti earthquake images are pulled from news stories and Flickr and uploaded to a system where volunteers tag the photos with various characteristics—female, living, etc.—to populate a search engine. Matches in the search engine are then used to try and identify or connect people on the ground. He said that of 750 potential matches generated this way they had tried to reach out to 60 families, but had found it very difficult to get in contact.

Clearly some of these collaborations and projects are in early stages and rapid response mode, but there is a lot of potential for funding long-term, innovative crisis management strategies and technology infrastructure.

[PHOTO CREDIT: Georgia Popplewell (CC).]

Why we are gaga for Lady Gaga (News Article)

Friday at the Glastonbury Festival, 2009, 6.30pm. It is not, let’s be clear, a glamorous time or place. The field is a skidpan of flattened grass and crushed plastic. The weather is lukewarm. The sky is chrome-coloured. It’s fair to say that no one is really expecting the best Glastonbury performance of a decade to go off right now.

Lady Gaga might have already clocked up two No 1 singles —Just Dance and Poker Face — but American girls with No 1 pop singles count for very little at a rock festival in the middle of Somerset. It’s usually your sweaty guitar icons — Bruce Springsteen, Radiohead — who galvanise a crowd. Or a stall selling particularly good pies.

But as Gaga arrives on stage, preceded by a storm front of dry ice and dancers in black, studded PVC kilts, the crowd begins the chant: “Gaga! Gaga! Gaga! Gaga!”

“I am Lady Gaga!” her voice booms from behind a wall of glitterball riot shields. “And you deserve — the future!

It’s quite a statement. But then, in the event, it’s quite an act. Over the next 40 minutes Lady Gaga handles five costume changes, ten backing dancers, an admission of bisexuality, two No 1 singles and a come-on — “Do you fancy me, Glastonbury? Because I fancy you” — to an entire festival, all conducted with an attitude pitched somewhere between Marilyn Monroe and a Valkyrie. At one point in the set, arching back like a ballerina, Gaga triggers some manner of “tit pyrotechnics” button and shoots fireworks out of her breasts.

Later she performs a bluesy version of Poker Face while standing on one leg, in 5in heels, playing the high notes with her foot and, later on, her face. Despite this uncompromising position it sounds really, really beautiful. Gaga has been playing the piano since she was 4. It shows.

During the set, it should be noted, the audience practically doubles in size, with people pouring off the hillsides and down into the arena. When she finally leaves the stage the roar is tremendous.

In the18 years I’ve been going to the festival I have never seen an act arrive there so magnificently or so confidently impose its own agenda — sex, neurosis, fetish, heels, clubbing, fashion — on such an ostensibly unpromising setting. Just to remind you — there is a field of cows some 800 yards to our right. The principal exports of this location are hay and cheese. And yet Gaga is making Glastonbury feel like a club in New York at 3am. You can practically hear the sirens outside and taste the amyl nitrate. I start to worry about the possibility of getting a cab back over the bridge, to Brooklyn.

When the Glastonbury promoters booked Gaga four months earlier she would just have been some up-and-coming, hotly tipped thing on the New York gay scene. By the end of the year, Gaga had sold more than 8 million albums, 35 million singles, been nominated for six Grammys and three Brits and been the first artist to have four No 1 singles taken off her debut album. At her New Year Party in Miami tables sold for $20,000 (£12,000) a pop. She’s been compared to Madonna so many times that she and Madonna ended up doing a skit together on Saturday Night Live: Gaga’s opening line was “Madonna? I’m totally hotter than you.” Madonna has said: “I see myself in her.”

By last week, Gaga had made it to that bastion of Middle America,The Oprah Winfrey Show, and spent her time cheerfully explaining the kind of arguments she has with her creative team: “If I want to [pretend to] bleed to death on national television, I will.”

Of course, this is pop music: who can say how it will all ultimately pan out? This time next year Gaga could have gone nuts, shaved off all her hair and be attacking a car with a furled umbrella, like Britney Spears. But as things stand The Wall Street Journal nailed it when it said: “Gaga ... really understands spectacle, fashion, shock, choreography — all the things Madonna and Michael Jackson were masters of in the 1980s.”

“I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but I’ve made it my goal to revolutionise pop music,” she said, when asked about her plans. When Simon Cowell was asked what he’s looking for this year, he said, simply: “The next Lady Gaga.”

Of course, the irony is that the next Lady Gaga would eat Cowell for breakfast and then cough up his gorilla flat-top like a hairball. When the current Gaga tour reaches the UK next month I am very much hoping that this event will be part of the show.

Do you know why I love Lady Gaga? That is aside from that, fairly regularly during 2009, I would find myself endangering the goodwill of my osteopath by vaulting on to the dancefloor every time I heard one of her songs? (There are, after all, few greater clarion-calls to woozily busting some moves than a woman who looks like a transvestite singing, “I love this record, baby/ But I can’t see straight any more/ Just dance,” over a cavalcade of glam-rock synths.)

It’s because in the 21st century what women need — second only to some watertight equal-pay legislation and, possibly, slightly wider parking spaces — is other women who are involved in popular culture but don’t give a toss what anyone else thinks of them. I don’t mean the faux-attitude of, say, the Pussycat Dolls or Fearne Cotton, who manifestly do care what people think, what with their carefully shot publicity material, alluring, non-scary outfits and auras of constantly available, non-threatening, mainstream sexuality. These women are little more liberated than cigarette girls in 1950s nightclubs.

No. I mean women who are right out there, doing what the hell they want, and who would clearly greet any attempt to criticise their appearance or attitude with wildly disbelieving laughter. Women who are unafraid to express aspects of themselves that seem alarming, unpalatable, uncontrollable or just plain horsescaringly bizarre. We need more rolemodels such as this. After all, it’s hard to oppress a generation of women who, under the influences of their new heroes, are intent on dressing like hermaphrodite robots with fireworks coming out of their breasts.

Gaga is that very best of things: a selfinvented creature. Consider what she actually is: diminutive, dark-haired Italian-American Stefani Germanotta, born into one of the poshest bits of New York. For a while, her schoolmate was the heiress Paris Hilton.

“I felt like a freak,” she said. “Everyone was blonde. I was dark and theatreobsessed. I remember seeing a picture of Boy George and thinking: ‘I feel like that’.”

By the the time she was 14 Gaga was auditioning for residencies in nightclubs, accompanied by her mother. “My parents were supportive of everything I did.”

Dropping out of school at 17, she spent the next five years immersing herself in some manner of high-school diploma in the counter-culture: deejaying in gay clubs and working as a go-go dancer (“I stripped in black leather to Guns N’ Roses”). Her heroes were David Bowie, Andy Warhol, Freddie Mercury, Madonna. She got a quote from Rilke’s Letters to a Young Artist tattoed up her arm: “Confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.”

Having picked up the nickname Lady Gaga from her love of Queen’s Radio Ga Ga, by the time she came to the attention of record company talent scouts her influences had her dismissed as “too theatre”. But when she auditioned for plays, casting directors found her “too pop”. Obviously that was the entire point, but Gaga was limited to writing album tracks for Britney Spears and the Pussycat Dolls until Just Dance, written when Gaga was 21 in “ten minutes” as a “happy song”. She made her own costume for the video. It included a bra covered with tiny mirrors, to look like a glitterball.

The song was No 1 around the world by the time she was 22. By the age of 23 Gaga was making videos such as the one for Bad Romance, in which she hatches out of a white plastic egg, gets waterboarded by supermodels, has her pupils dilate to take up half her face and wears a cape made of a living polar bear. Meanwhile the song pounds away with a nagging euphoria, like Erasure trying to convince Depeche Mode to come out for a night on the beers.

The video ends, as Wikipedia puts it in one of my favourite entries, “with Gaga lying beside a smouldering skeleton on top of a destroyed bed. She smokes a cigarette, while her pyrotechnic bra activates.”

Gaga now operates within her own collective, the Haus of Gaga. They are into design, fashion, construction and production. So when Gaga has the idea — as she did for her appearance on The X Factor — of performing in a 14ft-long bathtub, then playing a solo on a piano hidden in a basin, it can be turned around in 48 hours.

Two days after The X Factor Gaga performed in front of the Queen at the Royal Variety Performance, sitting at a 16ft-high piano with spindly, etiolated legs, inspired by Dalí’s spider-legged elephants in Space Elephant. Yeeeeah. Essentially, she travels with a pop version of the A-Team, able to burst out of any shed in a hastily constructed disco tank, firing remixes and headdresses shaped like the Pompidou Centre at will. To put all this into perspective, when Madonna was 23 she was still working in Dunkin’ Donuts in New York.

As soon as Just Dance went to No 1, in January 2009, Gaga began a notable second-string career of “being an incident”. She has that admirably retro notion that a pop star should look like something that has just escaped from some manner of space zoo and is stalking the streets, looking for humans to mate with and/or eat.

Monday would have her papped on the pavement dressed in a flesh-coloured leotard, tights and with a 2ft-wide bow made of hair balanced on her head. On Tuesday she would be tottering to the shops in 5in heels and a dress made out of 50 Kermit heads as a protest against fur, “which I hate”. Wednesday, and she’d be out at an awards ceremony in a red lace veil that covered her entire face, looking like someone who’d decided, despite all the evidence, to invent a “sexy Friday night burqa”.

She cultivated a “pet” teacup and saucer, flowered and bone-china, and took them to nightclubs with her, as well as for her appearance on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. If Ross was thrown by the teacup — which he was — he was even more thrown by her explanation of how, when she worked as a stripper, she kept a tiny fog machine in her handbag, “so I could fog myself”.

At the same time a rumour went around that Gaga was, in fact, either a drag-queen or an hermaphrodite, all fuelled by her pop rival Christina Aguilera’s bitchy comment: “Lady Gaga? I don’t even know if it’s a man or a woman.” Subsequently the British and American tabloids periodically play a game called “Spot Lady Gaga’s Putative Penis”, in which blurry shots of her on stage in short skirts appear with a huge circle around the crotch and headlines reading “Lady Gaga????”

Even this week, Barbara Walters, the grande dame of TV interrogation, felt she needed to asked Gaga if she was male or female. Gaga, bless her, graciously acknowledged the rumours but refused to confirm her sex: possibly under the lifelong influence of the lyrics to David Bowie’s Rebel Rebel (“You’ve got the world in a whirl/ Cos they’re not sure if you’re a boy or a girl”).

“Lady Gaga, I have to say you surprise me,” Walters concluded in her Katharine-Hepburn-of-chat manner. “I didn’t expect to meet such a serious, articulate young woman. You’re not at all what I expected. You’re much, much more.”

Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball tour begins at the MEN Arena, Manchester, on Feb 18

(This is from http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article7006625.ece )

(Credit to gagadaily.com for the pictures.)

TAKE 5

I feel like blogging but I don't really have anything to say, well I might just ramble a bit. So last night I went to my friend/workmate Mark's "Goodbye" party because he's taking off to New Plymouth (aka. ages away from Nelson) to do a hotel management course which is pretty upsetting as he's one of very few nice 'guys' around (replace a letter if you want). All the rest are c--ts. That is a fact. Well, it's not rerally - anyway, should stop using such bad language and try clean up my act a bit as it's unattractive, rude and offensive. I literally have a swearing addiction and just constantly swear without giving a thought into it, usually manage to suck it in around my parents but it does slip out from time-to-time, which is NOT GOOD. Anyway, I bought Mark a "Kathy Griffin: Allegedly" DVD as a goodbye present, hopefully he has a DVD player with him when he moves... Oh wait he has his computer, so that'll work. He introduced me to the godsend that is Kathy Griffin, so it was... homage to that I guess. (Is that the right way to use the word 'homage'?)

Alright so I know everything I write has something to do with Kathy Griffin and she's tagged in everything I write, but honestly, you should be thankful because if I like her, that means she's great. Would I like anyone less than stellar? Alright, don't answer that. Still, Kathy Griffin is an exceptional comedian, but you do have to be interested in celebrities to get her jokes, or at least pretend to care for the course of her shows because what she's all about is trying to get famous, and hating on celebrities... not to mention her obsession with loving/hating Oprah. Also she has some muchos hilarious personal stories to tell, and unless you read her book "Official Book Club Selection", you don't really see the serious side of her.

Anyway, to make a not-really-long story shorter, I drank too much last night and now have a beastly hangover and am hating it. I rarely drink, and this is really only my second ever hangover so... it's sucking some serious shit. At least it's not on a school Monday like the first time... not a pleasant story.

THURSDAY, January 28, 2010—Donna S. Levin

THEME: "Sex! Sex! Sex! What, here? Oh, no. Never!"—Three phrases that normally include SEX change a vowel to be something altogether not lewd

Yeah, it's me, Orange, again. You were expecting PuzzleGirl, but this work thing and getting sick have, I dunno, made her want to get to bed before midnight or something. So here I am. It's Wednesday night, and I have largely metabolized the cosmo I finished two hours ago. Yay! I'm waking back up now.

So. The puzzle? Yes. Fun theme, definitely on the small side. Two 12s and a 13 equals 37 theme squares. That leaves room for some chipper fill, and then there are Donna's clues, which tend to be on the fresh/fun side.

Theme entries:

• 20A: [Music lessons for Bill Clinton?] are SAX EDUCATION. Nine band directors out of ten do not recommend the abstinence-only sex education. If you don't pick up the sax and play it, how are you gonna be any good at it?
  
• 39A: [Documentary about Chicago's relationship with its team?] clues SOX AND THE CITY. Horrors! See that tall building looming behind the Wrigley Field scoreboard? It casts a shadow over my building at midday in the winter. We are Cubs fans here. Yes, some Chicagoans are White Sox fans, but that singular "its team" chafes. A good friend of mine flew out to Mesa, Arizona, this week to interview Cubs legend Ron Santo. She said he was "as great as you think."
  
• 57A: THE FAIRER SIX are the [More equitable of two civil case juries?]. So...civil cases have six-person juries, I gather? I guess it would be unseemly to suggest that half of a 12-person jury could be patently unfair. Could also have gone with [Blonder third of the Duggar family's kids], except I think they surpassed 18 recently.
  

A few highlights:

• 43A: [Stuffing stuff] is EIDER down. Do not, I beseech you, use this in your Thanksgiving stuffing. Pillows, yes. Turkey, no.
  
• 60A: [With alacrity] clues APACE, which is a word Merl Reagle included on his list of flansirs, or words that are "familiar looking although never seen in reality." Anyone else actually start using this word after seeing it in crosswords for years? I know I have. So has Joon, I believe.
  
• Recent movies! 2D: REMADE is clued as being [Like "The Day the Earth Stood Still," in 2008]. "Klaatu barada nikto!" There's a generic ICE AGE, sure, but there's also 37D: [2002 movie with Manny the Mammoth].
  
• 7D: AFTA is essentially a crappy brand-name answer. Not because it's a brand name, but because it's a not-a-household-name brand name that happens to be 4 letters long and half vowels, so it finds its way into crossword grids despite its non-prominence. But it's got a clue that rescues it: [Aptly named shaving lotion]. "Aptly" because it's an aftershave, an or aftashave in a Long Island accents.
  
• 48D. LES MIZ is the [Musical based on an 1862 novel, for short]. (The novel in question is the Victor Hugo book by the same name.) Who here has not seen the show? I saw it around 1990. Spectacle! Bombast! "Look down! Look down!"

• 49D. EDIBLE gets a slightly twisty clue: [Safe to put away].

Crosswordese 101: NAST is not nasty. He's 69A: [Political cartoonist Thomas], and he's a crossword-fill legend. If you don't know the name, learn it. He skewered Boss Tweed with his political cartoons in 19th century New York (and also drew the Tammany Tiger, whatever that is—all I know is that it relates to Tweed and New York). His more lasting images include Santa Claus, the Democratic donkey, and the Republican elephant. Occasionally NAST gets a [Condé ___] magazine publisher clue, but mostly it's cartoonist Thomas.

Everything Else — 1A: Trip with much hardship (TREK); 5A: Ampule (VIAL); 9A: Bikini blast, briefly (HTEST); 14A: Prefix with port (HELI); 15A: FAQ responses, e.g. (INFO); 16A: Belittle (ABASE); 17A: Send out (EMIT); 18A: "Gosh darn it!" (RATS); 19A: Language that gives us "floe" (NORSE); 23A: Oscar-winning role for Forest (IDI); 24A: PC backup key (ESC); 25A: Corrosion-resistant metal (IRIDIUM); 29A: Letter flourish (SERIF); 31A: Sgt. Snorkel's pooch (OTTO); 33A: An A will usually raise it: Abbr. (GPA); 34A: Science opening? (NEURO); 36A: Most congenial (NICEST); 42A: Event with a piÒata (FIESTA); 44A: "Exodus" hero (ARI); 45A: At the top of the heap (BEST); 47A: Roman __: thinly disguised fiction (ACLEF); 51A: Often scandalous book genre (TELLALL); 54A: Dawdle behind (LAG); 56A: Old name of Tokyo (EDO); 63A: Ruminate (MUSE); 64A: Prefix with dextrous (AMBI); 65A: Its capital is Apia (SAMOA); 66A: Performing __ (ARTS); 67A: Despicable (VILE); 68A: Almost boil (SCALD); 70A: Israeli statesman Weizman (EZER); 1D: One of Luther's 95 (THESIS); 3D: Alchemist's creation (ELIXIR); 4D: Hawk family bird (KITE); 5D: High-tech invader (VIRUS); 6D: Of one mind (INACCORD); 8D: Became unhinged (LOSTIT); 9D: Capital on the Red River (HANOI); 10D: Govt. security (TBOND); 11D: Otologist's concern (EAR); 12D: Org. dodged by draft dodgers (SSS); 13D: Driver's starting point (TEE); 21D: Take down (DEFEAT); 22D: Did a laundry chore (IRONED); 26D: "__ a Kick Out of You": Cole Porter (IGET); 27D: "__-daisy!" (UPSY); 28D: Welcome spot (MAT); 30D: "What You Need" band (INXS); 32D: Carryalls (TOTES); 35D: Lacking capacity (UNABLE); 38D: Newspaper concern, esp. lately (CIRC); 39D: Bold Ruler, to Secretariat (SIRE); 40D: Versailles eye (OEIL); 41D: Schedules of problems to be dealt with (HITLISTS); 42D: More than plump (FAT); 46D: Jenna of "Dharma & Greg" (ELFMAN); 50D: More artful (FOXIER); 52D: Henry Blake's title on "M*A*S*H" (LTCOL); 53D: Good place to get? (AHEAD); 55D: "Give it __!" (AREST); 58D: Surrounding glow (AURA); 59D: Uninhibited party (RAVE); 60D: The law, according to Mr. Bumble (ASS); 61D: Lobbying gp. (PAC); 62D: Org. for GPs (AMA).