Sweet Escape

I totally just remembered someone I knew was spending their holidays doing a "Outward Bound" course, which for those of you who aren't familiar with the place, it's hell. I've never done it, but I know it would be. All physical, outdoor stuff where nothing interesting happens or is discussed. And no one has the chance to do their hair, which I hate doing. Today and tomorrow I can't use any hair product because I'm going to the hairdresser tomorrow and if my hair is gunky and full of bullshit, it'll make a really difficult and painful cut. And all the cut hair will not fall off and it'll be generally horrific, so... my hair is cross right now. My straightener seems to only want to make my hair "flat" rather then sleek and sexy, well... guess that's the story of my life really.

It's nice to know I could make it look good if I wanted to, and that is all that counts. Well today's only real achievement was going for a big-ass fucking run. Man it killed me and my head is still pounding, probably pushed myself a LITTLE hard. I forget how fast you lose fitness if you don't keep it up, and I've been staying up too late for the last ever which also hasn't helped. I've still done no study, which is pretty horrific considering how terribly I did in my practice exams. God I usually scrape though, but no more it seems... Fuck! I just don't know where to start, studying never seems to get me anywhere. And it always takes hooouuurrrsss for me to pick up the most basic thing. It's so annoying! Why can I write a fuckload of blogs and not even scrape through passing an essay? And honestly, I got excellence in creative writing, merit in my speech but then in the exam (ie. where it matters) I BOMB.

God what am I even going to do about myself? Guess I have five weeks of school before exams, but still, with all my subjects and I'm sure some ghastly internals to do I'll be running out of time. And not to mention out of school stuff, fuck! Of all the things happening (most too confusing/uncertain to even have an in depth look at things), one thing I do know is that I desperately want to get in really good shape (physically!) so when summer comes I'll be able to enjoy it and will already be in a good fitness and health (ie. diet) regime, and it's hard to diet when you don't make your own meals or buy your own food, so I'll somehow have to take control of the situation.

I can't believe I have to go back to school soon, it's going to be horrific. Everyone at Garin means well, but people there just lack something... not sure what it is. Well actually, it's kinda simple, actual problems. Everyone's so happy and content and it's just like, frustrating that people don't yearn for "more". Or maybe they know it's coming? IDK, it's weird and I can't help but feel like a waste of space and a moody bitch. Whatever.

Since no one will have messaged me in any way, shape or form I'll just go watch some mind numbing television.