Adjustments

Well it's been a pretty wacky month, well not this month of October, but the last 30 or so days kinda-thing. Good memories, but gritty realities. About 30 days ago I was a pretty happy chap, well, a bit over a month probably. But then time went on and a variety of things happened and, well, here I am.

Yesterday I was in a shockingly upset mood, but now I'm not as much. Just the usual phase of getting someone I guess, maybe this one won't be drawn out for too long. Kinda guess the person-in-question DID do something drastically bad, so I could hate them, but really they've been charming the whole time (which is of course good) so not much else to say on the matter. Not going to be too specific with names, places etc. Don't want people googling themselves and unearthing my blog! I've discovered the secret to anonymity with a blog is to change the url often, that way it cuts off all and every link and takes ages to show up on google searches, so for a good while... I should be safe. Unless I'm stupid and give out the url again, I never think it'll matter, but writing when you know it will be read is a bit strange and causes you to think your words more carefully. Well, I do anyway.

So I thought I liked someone today, and spent the day thinking about what I would say to them, but after a brief exchange I realized it wasn't them that I was after, just the idea of them. Maybe not the best coupling ever! Especially as it's doomed for the get-go, praying I can move to Nayland College next year as Garin is sucking. Big time! Hate the exams, and study is torture and it is a million times worse when you don't know what you're doing with your life, and then everything seems irrelevant and pointless. That's likely why I struggle so much actually, I have no drive whatsoever! Life is so pointless and random.

Maybe I'm the type of person who just 'expects things to happen', without pursuing them myself? I don't think so, but it's a thought to ponder. Or not, I need to fuck up and stop pretending to think deep.