Like the Titanic... but worse

This morning I had to do a talk for the "Vinnies", a thing I am 'President' of at school. St. Vinnie de Paul, a saint who for some reason did a whole lot of charitable things hundreds of years ago started this charitable, err, thing - and it's an internationally recognised thing (I think)... look IDK, go to http://www.svdp.org.nz/ if you care that much, because to be honest - I don't.

Anyway, I had to do a talk introducing what "Vinnies" is and play some stupid DVD about it. Alright so first off I got called up, in front of the entire school and had to talk a shitload about what Vinnies was and what I did and what we do and what everyone else does, anyway - to cut an unfortunately long story short... I fucked up! Firstly, the goddamn DVD would not play and when it started to play it was like freezing and the music was fucking up and everyone was just looking at me and I was literally having a nervy-b, in front of the school. A dream to say the least, tbh I didn't really care, but it was kind of meant to be official and getting people to sign up and things and not really some stupid fucked up thing I've been running. Anyway so the fucking thing wouldn't stop or play or do anything normal, so I had to go back to the lectern with the microphone and say something like "Well, you get the point." but thankfully, people laughed and got over it - so rather then telling everybody to suck it, I rambled on and then managed to walk off... all the way to the back where I have to sit. *sigh* Needless to say, I was embarrassed - but then later on the principle said, to everyone, that I had handled the situation very well. Well for that, I thank my long (not really) history of drama classes.

Maybe I should pursue acting... ugh, it's such an almost impossible place to break into. Lemme just make one thing clear, most people pursue acting simply in an attempt to be famous - in all seriousness, that is not the case for me! I'm not saying I would hate to be famous, but I genuinely really do love acting! I'd love to try acting for a camera, as I've only ever done it live - but yeah, in a small town in New Zealand... my options are limited in that field, and it's such an incredibly difficult field of work to achieve success in... it seems futile really.

It's hard to know what I'm to do with my life, I literally need to know by the end of this year - and that's a fucked up freaky thought! I could choose something terrible and be trapped in an awful career already, or have to start over after paying expensive fees and costs for university or polytech, whatever. It's just scary and I don't really know what I want to do in life... just getting through it seems hard enough, but to craft a career out of the nothing I have right now seems a remarkable feet, and to the many that have - I'm impressed!