300th Post

Congrats to me I say for being an official time waster, this is my 300th blog! Which isn't really that much for a year and a half of blogging, but I don't get the people that blog more then like, twice a day when they're just talking about random things. I know I've had my moments, but pretty sure 3 blogs a day was my record. I'm not that keen/committed/devout (choose a word and own it).

Well I had a really shit day tbh, I mean, the day wasn't shit, I was shit and I was just in a bad mood. After tomorrow perhaps I'll be more keen on things. I am completely uncaring about Christmas right now, and it can literally get fucked for all I care. I am the Grinch, and I will just admit that. I'm not sure why, I guess I'm in another one of my infamous life-rutts (that typically, I complain to Brandon about) but it's a different one... Because I sort of have everything I have wanted for so long, and I'm still not happy. Maybe I'm just greedy, but the word that I think sums me up is "unfulfilled".

I went for a walk around the airport with Robert, opps I mean "Robbie" as he has god-forsakenly referred to these days. Anyway, "Robbie" and I were chatting and I basically realised... I don't really know who I am right now! I'm stuck in a position when I just don't know what will make me happy! 99% of the time I'm obsessed with someone (relationship-wise) and so sure that "having them" will make me 100% happy, and now I realise... there's more to life then god-forsaken relationships! I just wish my life was going somewhere... and sometime soon! Another god-awful year of work and Garin awaits... how exciting, and more assignments and homework that you spend FOREVER doing, and then get some stupid grade and no one gives a FUCK about it. I'm so sick of that process! It's like... can't some congratulate me? Give me a prize? Say that I've done really well? No, never. School is a shit process and even the nice teachers fail to see the loophole that is never congratulating anyone, cause memorising a 4 page essay for my History exam deserves a medal, cause that shit was tiring/hard work. I will probably fail the rest of my exams cause I spent so many hours memorising that HORRIBLE essay, fuck it was boring.

Anyway I need to go have a snack of cereal (a late night fave-treat of mine) and then go to bed cause tomorrow I have to be a good Samaritan and what's worse is that I have a professional driving lesson at 10am tomorrow morning (and another at 9am on Friday!) In a stupid manual car! Fuck fuck FUCK! Clutches and gears make me so nervous and paranoid I'll literally probably start sweating. FML.