Unusual You

Think that's a nice Britney reference (the title of the blog), and quite fitting with what I'm thinking about right now.

Firstly, life has generally been very good lately. We'll ignore how horrific school is going to be this week with mock exams and such, but otherwise things will be very good I hope! Maybe everyone looks back on a time and wishes they could have it back, for me, I wish I could go back to the innocence of childhood! No relationships or drama, everything was just "as it was" and then you grow up and realise it's all a sham. Adults aren't invincible and able to solve everything, it's a scary reality. Realising that when you talk to adults, they really are just thinking and talking the same things back. Life so far is not turning out to be how I would have expected.

Really wish I had some time to myself, the holidays in two weeks will be very welcome and maybe a chance for me to salvage some relationships with various people. I'm a little worried about what I'm going to do at the end of the year, as various people will be coming and going and I don't think I'm quite ready for all of it! Just becoming really good friends with a few people in particular after knowing them for quite a while, and it's sad that they're leaving.

As Jade Valerie once sang in her song 'Empty Pages,
"Life has changed you, and baby it has bruised me too."

That's probably true for a lot of people, everyone starts off with good intentions but after the hardships and trials of life people change and become someone they never intended to be, or doing things they never originally planned to do. It's sad, even for me right now, I never envisioned myself as 'part of the pack' or a 'sheep', but really, my life is purely following the rules and following the conveyer belt of education. I mean, I hate school and I can't stand the idea of working for the rest of my life! Guess I don't really get a choice, but a 9-5 job is just... distopia if you ask me.

Anyway I'm in a bad mood as just discovered written about me, but not directly, that was unfortunately truthful, although exageratted, and ya know... it just hurts! Have I really done anything SO bad to anyone that they to this day have NOT gotten over it? I really don't think so, so why people feel the need to take their rage and thirst for causing drama out on me is beyond my level of comprehension. Which I wouldn't think was too long, after all I've picked up a few surivival instincts from living my life. I certainly have to recommend that if you actually do want to steer clear of trouble, keep your head down, which is an annoying thing to do. If you say and do nothing, rarely will you get dragged into a situation.

I hate to say it, but trust no one, which is what I did with some of life's more major issue until this year really. Things do have a way of unravelling in a way you'd never have expected. Actually that's a kind of thought I should probably note down, never expect. Cause having expectations sets you up for potential failure, which is something you never want to face. Then again, to have any hope at happiness you must take risks. Relationships can make you the happiest you've ever been, but at the same time there's such a huge risk of heartbreak, and real heatbreak is a torture of negative emotions. I honestly empathise so strongly for anyone whose TRULY had their heartbroken, I like to think I understand but I'm sure I really don't. I guess making money is just the struggle of life, trying to get more then what you have, well when you've got the ENTIRE rest of the world to compete with, no wonder it's a struggle making some money.

That's a scary thought, that I have to like, compete for a living. True though, and to make a comfortable living means making a lot of sacrifices, which I'm not too sure about just how much I'm willing to give up. I mean... next year may be my last ever year of living at home! That freaks me out! Seems just yesterday I had Mum walking me to primary school for my first day, and here I am like 12 years later, unfortunately not as innocent or cute, but still the same being with the same mind. Guess it's not the same mind really, same in a literal sense, but I sure see everything different now. Not sure why I write about these things as if I'm the only one, it's just rare I see anyone discussing it. Anyway... yeah, I just feel a bit empty and really feel like some love right now. xD

For now, I've had enough. Will be back sometime soon. Full day of study tomorrow, History and Media mock exams on Monday! Wish me luck. (: