A Conversation with Kathy Griffin

Q: State your name and profession.
KG: My name is Kathy Griffin, and I am a teller of d**k jokes. And a plumber.

Q: This is your first book. Had you ever considered writing anything before? A novel? Or a work of historical scholarship? Or a children's story?
KG: I had not considered it, because I'd always been told by the nuns at St. Bernadine's that my cursive was poor. A children' s story is an interesting idea. How's this for a title: "Waterboarding Pre-Teens: The Debate is Back On." I have a political side as well.

Q: You seem fairly obsessed with Oprah. Is this something you'll ever outgrow?
KG: I will never outgrow my obsession with Oprah. Just as she will never outgrow her cardigan sweaters. Oops, she already has. Now look, that sounds like a dig, but it's not. It's called a struggle, and I'm on it with her. I support her. (Not as much as she needs those underwire bras to support her, because she's got some serious ropes and pulleys going on there.) The point is, I worship her, and fear her at the same time. And believe me, that' s how she wants it. Don't be fooled.

Q: Did I miss something? Where's Celine Dion in this book?
KG: I didn't write about Celine Dion, only because of my fear of her husband Rene Angelil. I have an unfounded but constant fear that he could be in the French-Canadian mafia. Or have French-Canadian mafia ties, and by ties I don't mean les cravats. And I fear that I may be abducted, whisked away and held prisoner at a charming little brasserie in Montreal, forced to eat multiple Croque Monsieur sandwiches until I confess to knowing the lyrics to every single one of her songs.

Q: What do you think gays should take away from reading this book?
KG: I think the gays should be happy with this book. It talks a lot about being who you are, and I certainly mention a lot of gay people. I would say it definitely has strong gay themes, and the gay community should know that frankly it has been a moral struggle for me to even acknowledge the heterosexual community in this book at all. But I am slowly reaching out an olive branch to the heterosexual community, even though I believe everything they do goes against the teachings of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But I'm trying not to judge them.

Q: Describe your ideal, make-a-wish day of personal experiences with bats**t celebrities.
KG: Well, it would start with some sort of a fit in the hair-and-makeup trailer on a set. I heard a story that when Sharon Stone was working on "Casino," she got into such a fight with her hairdresser, that after he spent four hours doing this beautiful bouffant hairdo for her, she got up and walked in the sink and put her head underwater. I have no idea if that's true, but I hope it is, cause that's some awesome s**t I would love to see. Then it would go right to lunch, where I could witness an eating disorder. Maybe a Lohan is purging in a bush somewhere with her finger down her throat. Or perhaps there's an Olsen twin on a scale crying because she finally tipped 100. Any outburst over weight I would cherish. Also, it would be great to see an actress have a workload meltdown. So maybe at 2:00 some A-lister saying, "I can't handle this s**t anymore." Because I love when actors can't deal with a normal workday, and they think two in the afternoon is like midnight, so I would love to see somebody storming to their car, exhausted because they've put in a grueling four-hour workday of saying three lines and texting their nanny. Then it's maybe off to an illicit affair. At the top of my wish list would be following a rapper or a football player over to his baby mama's house where a screaming match ensues to the point where someone, maybe me, has to anonymously dial 911, and then I take a couple pictures, and I become an unannounced star witness later at the trial, entering Joan Collins-style in a smashing hat. And then at the end of the day it's a healthy round of clubbing with Janice Dickinson, and then on the way home we go to the Beverly Glen pharmacy and run into Paula Abdul. All three of us secretly take our small white-paper pharmacy bags and put them behind our backs and make uncomfortable small talk.

Celebrity Quote: Kathy Griffin

"You know by Hollywood standards I'm literally a giant, fat, cow cause I'm a size 6, which is not acceptable. You have to be an 0 or a child size 6x. I was gonna try to lose 10 pounds in 5 days, but then I saw these mini-tacos at the grocery store and they're bean and cheese, and they're pretty good. But, my trainer says that when I crave foods like this, I should have carrots because they give you the sweet and the crunchy, to which I say "Bullshit, this is crunchy." Not a fucking carrot." 

— Kathy Griffin

Idowntevankar

The title of this post pretty much describes my attitude towards my exams. Having them drawn out over three weeks sure has officially made me BORED. So much so that I really don't care. I mean, I do care, but c'mon - History STILL to go? It's my hardest exam and after bombing Eco and scraping through History, it's hard to feel positive and get motivated about everything. Also, I need to go to school next week for a few days and finish my I.C.T. project once and for all. HATES IT. Still, not too far from being finished and I'll be bloody pleased to have it over and done with. You would not even believe the incompetance I have had to deal with for the last three years, allah knows why I stuck with I.C.T, but I did.

Well today I went to Chokdee, my favourite restaurant ever with my friend Ashleigh and I got the Duck Noodle Soup which was nice, but not that nice, the only meal there I've ever had which I didn't like much! Ashleigh's going to join the gym so we went to a few stores and looked at clothes she could buy to workout in but we didn't come across anything she liked much. So yeah, than I came home and procrastinated study by watching' 'Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List' on youtube. Loves it.

Maggie Griffin - Tip It

How fucking funny is the cover of Maggie Griffin's book "Tip It"? Maggie's comedienne Kathy Griffin's motther, Kathy who you should know by now as I have mentioned her A LOT is the star of her own reality show "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List". It is a long-time running joke that her mother is the real star of the show and Kathy is a side-kick on her own show. Also, Kathy constantly makes fun of her mum while doing stand-up and on her show, accusing her of being an alcoholic on account of her alleged 'boxed wine addiction'. And by alleged... made-up by Kathy, but Maggie is filmed a humorous amount of times drinking on the show which makes for a good laugh!

This is why the book cover is so funny, cause there's Kathy covered by the glass of vino, a nod to the Maggie-being-the-real-star-of-the-show joke, the fact that on the cover she is on a box of wine which is like her trademark.

I have to get my hands on a copy of this book, Maggie, like Kathy, is too funny for me to deal with - and I'm 99% sure it's all her own natural old-lady charm! The dear old woman is 90 after all, if anyone sees a good deal for this, please point me in the right direction!

Celebrity Quote: Kathy Griffin

 "My eating habits are terrible

I don't like fruits and vegetables

I kinda like meat

I like doughy things, fried things and sugar things

That's what I like

And dips, I like things with dipping sauces

And glazed, things that are glazed,

or have frosting, in some way , or some sort of a layered, 

something layered with other things inside that are sugary

Also I like butter

I like things that rise

cakey, cupcakey, doughnutey

I like breaded stuff

I like breaded bread"

- Kathy Griffin

After this confession - how fucking mad does it make you to see her body?

Mmmhh Honey B

...and this is why I love Kathy Griffin. Who else over 50 would bear a bikini next to Paris Hilton? I certainly wouldn't, let alone in 30+ years. Good grief. Nothing to blog about my life is shit. :) Click on the title of this post for another picture.

Can't blame a pretty woman for wanting to be photographed, the paparazzi ate that shit up.

Sore Loser (Continued) x2 [Extended]

I need to ramble some more about not getting any school positions at school. I am still fucked off and will never get over it. OMFG I thought I was over it but then "people" at school thought I was over it and didn't care and they could joke about me not getting anything. Well actually, they can't. Especially when they're the c--ts that got roles, and also, the roles I wanted!! I am like, the voice of the school for christ sake. Sounds vain, but only speaking the truth and I really don't give a f--k.

Would anyone else say half the things I do? No they would not, and if you think you would - you're wrong. I can't be bothered rambling, well actually I can and that's why this is like my fourth post on this, but I have been waiting for Year 13 and having a school position for a long time. F you Garin! I will never get over it and if the dear principle himself happened to read this... well, refer to Kathy Griffin's Emmy acceptance speech.

"Now, a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now!"

Causes: NOH8 Campaign

Check out the NOH8 Campaign by going to http://www.noh8campaign.com/

Here's some of my favourite celebrities posing for the campaign! I'm not going to go on about it cause I know people will make a big deal about me posting this, but you can literally suck it - cause it's an amazing cause!

The "Causes" section of my blog is a new series of posts I have began, and you'll be able to follow them by clicking the the "Causes" when I have used it, and I will as I post more. There's numerous causes I support and I think it's about time I used my blog for a little good instead of complaining and moping, cause although I hate to admit it, life honestly has some good parts to it! Now that's enough of that, so please do follow and support my causes - they're their for interest, but they're also there because I believe in a cause. I'm not getting anything from it except my own satisfaction that I might help the cause reach out, so expect me and my charitable self to be posting a few causes for now often. Ta-ta!

Celebrity of the Week: Kathy Griffin

Comedienne Kathy Griffin is my "Celebrity of the Week" for many reasons, and I adore her so much it's hard to really explain how or why! I had vaguely heard of her reality show "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" before, but never really knew who she was or what her show was until my ex-workmate Mark gave me the first two episodes of Season 5 on a DVD he made me! Instantly I fell in love with her and watched the whole rest of Season 5 (and 4 now) and enjoyed every second of it! She makes me laugh so hard! Each season kind of has a different theme but the main thing is, she's trying to get more famous and she's very shameless (and comedic) in her approach in doing this. She proudly admits she's on the 'D-List', although these days, she's looking a little more A-List. She has made various headlines throughout her career. Firstly, she's done many sell-out tours as a stand-up comic (her forte), and gained her early fame from starring on "Suddenly Susan" with Brooke Shields. Also,

I recently read her auto-bio "Official Book Club Selection", named so readers would think she was on Oprah's book club, and it exposed a lot about her life! As well as it being HILARIOUS, it showed just how hard she had worked to get to where she is now - she literally earned every inch of the fame she has and mainly, earned it through hard work and talent, and she deserves all she has!

She's released two Comedy albums, 'For Your Consideration' and 'Suckin' It for the Holidays' which were both Grammy nominated and hilar (but unfortunately, she didn't win. F-ing Colbert...). Her reality show has won 2 Emmy Awards, which is pretty amazing! (AND deserved!) Kathy has also done the NOH8 campaign (a great cause) which was good. She's hung out with many famous A-Listers on the D-List, Season 5 featured Bette Midler, Lily Tomlin, Paris Hilton, T.I. and Suzanne Somers. 

My overall reason for loving Kathy Griffin... she makes me laugh!

TAKE 5

I feel like blogging but I don't really have anything to say, well I might just ramble a bit. So last night I went to my friend/workmate Mark's "Goodbye" party because he's taking off to New Plymouth (aka. ages away from Nelson) to do a hotel management course which is pretty upsetting as he's one of very few nice 'guys' around (replace a letter if you want). All the rest are c--ts. That is a fact. Well, it's not rerally - anyway, should stop using such bad language and try clean up my act a bit as it's unattractive, rude and offensive. I literally have a swearing addiction and just constantly swear without giving a thought into it, usually manage to suck it in around my parents but it does slip out from time-to-time, which is NOT GOOD. Anyway, I bought Mark a "Kathy Griffin: Allegedly" DVD as a goodbye present, hopefully he has a DVD player with him when he moves... Oh wait he has his computer, so that'll work. He introduced me to the godsend that is Kathy Griffin, so it was... homage to that I guess. (Is that the right way to use the word 'homage'?)

Alright so I know everything I write has something to do with Kathy Griffin and she's tagged in everything I write, but honestly, you should be thankful because if I like her, that means she's great. Would I like anyone less than stellar? Alright, don't answer that. Still, Kathy Griffin is an exceptional comedian, but you do have to be interested in celebrities to get her jokes, or at least pretend to care for the course of her shows because what she's all about is trying to get famous, and hating on celebrities... not to mention her obsession with loving/hating Oprah. Also she has some muchos hilarious personal stories to tell, and unless you read her book "Official Book Club Selection", you don't really see the serious side of her.

Anyway, to make a not-really-long story shorter, I drank too much last night and now have a beastly hangover and am hating it. I rarely drink, and this is really only my second ever hangover so... it's sucking some serious shit. At least it's not on a school Monday like the first time... not a pleasant story.

The Always Lovely Kathy Griffin

"Suck it Jesus! 

This award is my God now."

Sunday (Except without 'Sun')

Well it's Sunday, which although a lovely weekend and nowhere as bad as Monday, is still a pretty boring day by my, and I assume the world's, standards. Well I'm actually annoyed at myself right now for two reasons, one being that I had an awful dream last night (and a familiar person was in another, AGAIN) and the second is I have fallen for god damn Lady GaGa! Damn her for being so unique, having amazing music and being a truly brilliant individual in respect. So now I am no different from anyone else because the world loves her, although not everyone seems to recognise the thought and skill behind her 'wacky' outfits. Stupid fashion magazines slagging her off, it's like... "Does she look like she's trying to be stereotypically 'fashionable'? Because, she's not." Not that I can talk about fashion with my $50 jeans and $20 hoodie jackets. I'm so cheap. But so would you if your parents were stingy with money and you had to pay for your own clothes working with minimum wage pay. And only working one day a week considering I'm a student. It's a hard life!

By the way, I'm going to start adding more pictures into my posts because... I need to, and it looks better when my posts show up on YouSayToo.com, a site I have my blog signed up to and being the attention-seeker I am (not, but people think I am so might as well roll with it, as Kourtney Kardashian once said  "If you can't roll, roll out.") by getting more views.

What I have to actually report on? Not a lot, I'm always distraughtly tired after a day of work (aka. yesterday) and have another day tomorrow so this is my re-coup day which, believe me, I deserve. I will probably go and catch up some friends, and maybe someone else... But who knows. And to be quite frank, who gives a fuck.

I laughed when I was reading NW Magazine and they had a "Celebrity Confessions" section, and one was from Kathy Griffin saying "I'm afraid of Oprah Winfrey." I laugh every time she mentions Oprah, Ryan Seacrest or Gayle King (aka. "Oprah's boyfriend", haha! Can't be bothered linking them.).

(Pictures: Lady GaGa's "Monster Ball Tour" official promo pic which keeps fucking up the first parahraph and Kathy Griffin's 2009 auto-bio "Official Book Club Selection".)

Edit: I removed all links because they didn't show up on YouSayToo.com which, if you haven't guessed yet, I'm sucking up to, to get some readers.

YouSayToo Can Suck It

I am offended! I had a +25 rating a few days ago and now it's slumped down to 22. Do you know what that means? That means someone gave me (as if I am Jesus) a negative rating. Who the christ would do such a thing & deter readers from viewing my oh-so-witty material. It's a sad day for human kind.

I realise it's unwise to bash YouSayToo.com considering that is where most (aka. all) of my readers are coming from, unless you're the occasional Twitter stalker but I don't think there's too many of those around.

If you didn't come from YouSayToo or Twitter, I literally have no god forsaken clue where you came from. Whatever. I have nothing to blog about because I have done nothing today. Except for watching Kathy Griffin's "Strong Black Woman" on YouTube. Yes, I linked it for you. Considerate, I know. Yes, you should be grateful. And also for my labelling/tagging my posts.

And yes, you're welcome.

Self-Defense

I just want to very briefly add, that I now hate my last blog and I would delete it but I can't be bothered and it'll leave an even bigger gap between blogs. I need to stop trying to achieve depth so I can remain shallow and say whatever I want, guilt free. Unfortunately I'm just faaaaarrrr too emotional to be able to deal with just that, so my deeper "inner" self often attempts to shine through and steal the limelight from whatever stupid thing I'm complaining or rambling about.

That is all.

(P.S. I acknowledge I have been watching & reading too much Kathy Griffin lately, and that is why I seem to try and talk/write like her. Desperate, I know. I've done worse, however. Trust me.)